@MaryKoCo: Comment on every picture of someone's dog, "What is this"
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@dorsalstream: ME: What’s the first rule of bite club? DRACULA: Is it biting? ME: That’s right, Dracula, it’s biting. RATTLESNAKE: [quietly to himself] I was gonna say biting.
@WhiskeySoured: If a bear is chasing you, don't run. Be very still and tweet about it because you're about to die.
@ReelQuinn: A few summers ago I stopped at some kids' lemonade stand. As I took a sip, the youngest boy stuck his whole arm in the pitcher and stirred.
@pixelatedboat: "Predators are essential for a healthy ecosystem," I explained as I released a bobcat into the airduct