@InternetHippo: Commenting “this aged poorly” on my friend’s wedding anniversary posts from several years ago now that she’s getting divorced
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@truegritrumble: ME: *using a ouija board* Are there any spirits here? OUIJA BOARD: No. ME: I don’t believe you. OUIJA BOARD: That seems like a you problem.
@SirEviscerate: "Since you both claim to be this infant's mother, we'll cut the baby in half." OK. Sounds reasonable. "Y...uh, alright then. Let's do this."
@BCMontgo: I was going through a stack of yearbooks yesterday when I saw I was voted "Most Likely to Steal all These Damn Yearbooks".
@PatsHoppedUp: Doc: Maam, due to the accident your daughter cant... Mom: Cant what?! D: She cant even. She literally cannot even. M: *single tear falls*