Joseph: A crib full of straw? No, I asked to see the MANAGER.
[commercial for IKEA]
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Me: It’s unrealistic that the Angels blindly trusted Charlie’s voice coming through a speaker, amirite?
Siri: I’m not sure I understand
“I’m not good enough.”
-Implies this is as good as you will ever be
-Does not acknowledge your hard work
-Ends your journey
Punching the ground and declaring “I…I must get stronger!” like in anime
-Recognizes how far you’ve come
-Useful for defeating the Demon King
Thank you to all the people who tweet landscape pictures so we don’t forget what it looks like outside
*Washes off eyeliner*
Ok, weigh me now.
Her Tinder profile: I love hiking, riding bikes, long wa–
Me: Sounds like a lot of doing stuff. Next
Monica just destroyed the internet
robber: empty the register, no funny business
joke store owner: oh no
“Stop trying to give your words depth and gravitas by attributing them to a faraway old civilization.” – ancient Chinese proverb
How to cook the perfect amount of pasta:
1. Pour out how much you think you need