@KarenKilgariff

compared to the rest of 2017 the Fyre Festival was a high point

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@ItsAndyRyan

‘Escalator’ is what He-Man’s enemy is called in Spain.

@ilovepie84

I once put a baby in adult clothing and placed him on my desk with a water bottle labeled “fountain of youth” right next to him.

@ScaryMommy

No, officer, no one is being murdered. I just had to rinse the shampoo out of my child’s hair.

@Elizasoul80

My 7 year old has been asking a lot of questions this Christmas season and I’m worried that it might be the last year he believes that Bitcoin is real.

@JohnLyonTweets

Sorry I wrote “harvest organs” on your chart when I visited you in the hospital.

@kingstonstreet

The pen is mightier than the sword. Unless you have like three followers then go with the sword