Nice try little pine tree air freshener, but this gas station restroom needs the efforts of an entire forest.
“conference” comes from the Latin “con” meaning “together with” and “ference” meaning “the worst people on earth”
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I’m just gonna go ahead and change my boys names to “Stop making that stupid noise” and “Where are your shoes?”.
If our children don’t learn cursive, how will they ever be able to read those inspirational tattoos people put on their ribs?
You may recognize me from many TikTok videos playing the role of Mom Who Talks Because She Doesn’t Know Camera Is On
Let’s all take a moment to honor National Punctuation Day because life would be: very, confusing! Without it?
When you’re dragging a boat full of sailors to its watery doom then suddenly remember you left the oven on
Long story short, I accidentally left the cat in the refrigerator.
ME: let me take you to a nice dinner
ME: somewhere they make the food right there in front of you
HER: oh like Benihana?
ME: (slipping subway coupons back in my pocket) I guess so
People who say “seriously, another one?” after your 3rd slice of pizza are not people you need in your life.
It takes a car 30 years to become vintage. It takes a phone 30 days.