@behindyourback

“conference” comes from the Latin “con” meaning “together with” and “ference” meaning “the worst people on earth”

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@Darlainky

Nice try little pine tree air freshener, but this gas station restroom needs the efforts of an entire forest.

@MummaCrazy

I’m just gonna go ahead and change my boys names to “Stop making that stupid noise” and “Where are your shoes?”.

@jlock17

If our children don’t learn cursive, how will they ever be able to read those inspirational tattoos people put on their ribs?

@Peauxtassium

You may recognize me from many TikTok videos playing the role of Mom Who Talks Because She Doesn’t Know Camera Is On

@NYC_Blonde

Let’s all take a moment to honor National Punctuation Day because life would be: very, confusing! Without it?

@flashember

When you’re dragging a boat full of sailors to its watery doom then suddenly remember you left the oven on

@rockymomax

ME: let me take you to a nice dinner
HER: ok
ME: somewhere they make the food right there in front of you
HER: oh like Benihana?
ME: (slipping subway coupons back in my pocket) I guess so

@tracyofthenorth

People who say “seriously, another one?” after your 3rd slice of pizza are not people you need in your life.

@Heart_choo

It takes a car 30 years to become vintage. It takes a phone 30 days.