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@DanMentos: [confession booth]
priest: I'm not falling for that one again dan
@QwertyJones3: [car dealership]
"Why is some guy out there screaming insults at all the vehicles?"
*Sees sign PRE-OWNED CARS*
@Prof_Hinkley: [announcement over PA at work]
"FREE TACOS IN THE BREAKROOM"
*I walk there so fast the noise from my corduroys breaks everyone's eyeglasses*
@Mr_Kapowski: 7 y/o daughter: Why don't they have tape for your burrito but you could eat the tape?
And now I know what Einstein's parents felt like
@KentWGraham: My wife tried imitating the weird groaning sound her car is making, and all three auto mechanics asked her out.
@the_hottest_jew: “How bad are you at relationships?”
I get broken up with by people I don’t even know