Confuse people by affixing “but not necessarily at this juncture” to the end of each sentence.

You Might Also Like


If you thought the Dalai Lama giggled alot, then you obviously never met the Mwahaharajah


Where’s the hole?
*feels for it*
*tries to stick it in*
Damn it! Wrong hole.
*fingers it*
*slides it in*

– Me, plugging in my charger in the dark.


Time for bed!
*puts phone down*

Oops, forgot to set my alarm!
*picks phone back up and surfs the web for 7.5 hrs*


Someone is yelling!
The voice is familiar…
How they rave and they rant!
Is it Jackman?
Or, Laurie?
Hefner or Grant?

– Horton Hears a Hugh


married sext…
him: I’ll be home soon
her: don’t you threaten me


[day 3: stuck in elevator]

girl: if we don’t eat we’ll die soon

me: *waiting for her to die so I don’t have to share the meatballs in my pocket* how soon?


Years ago I went to a job placement agency.

I left disappointed.

Apparently nobody offers temp work as an astronaut.


I just saved a bunch of money on fireworks by telling my wife to calm down.


[Jack Ryan]
CIA BOSS: who are you
JACK: (trying to be cool) ryan. jack ryan
BOSS: nice to meet you ryan
JACK: no it’s
BOSS: everyone this is ryan
EVERYONE: hi ryan
RYAN: hi