The most romantic movie of all time is definitely Pixar’s UP. That old man really loved his house.
Confusing the word, “jacuzzi” with, “yakuza” has gotten me in hot water with the Japanese mafia more than once.
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“the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog”:
-has no impact or weight to it
“sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow”
-literally the most metal way to test out your font
-raw as hell
Why did they call it Big Pharma and not The Pilluminati.
Got kicked out of the karaoke bar last night for getting 3 women pregnant when I sang Careless Whisper.
Me: you can’t spell menu without me n u
Waiter: my shift ends at 11
Siri, who’s in my trunk?
Wait – my gym moved?
1: Acquire scuba gear. 2: Strap duck decoy to head. 3: Dive in local pond. 4: Enjoy unlimited free bread crumbs.
Guy: Are you pregnant?
Me: No, I’m a Ninja Turtle with my shell on BACKWARDS.
Me: Cowabunga, douche!