i think a group of white people should be called a brunch.
Congrats to Lindsay Lohan for successfully portraying what happens to mean girls after high school.
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When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
Therapist: please tell me a little about what brought you both here today.
Wife: We don’t talk. Plus he is so literal.
Me: My truck.
OPTIMIST: this glass is Half Full
PESSIMIST: this glass is Half Empty
GLASS: actually my name is Carl
IF A CAN OPENER DOESN’T WORK IS IT CALLED A CAN’T OPENER
Hansel and Gretel is my favorite story about eating children.
*Game Character Treatment Center*
Counselor: Okay new faces, please tell us why you’re here
Pac-Man: Binge eating
Lara Croft: Kleptomania
Ryu: *crying* I can’t stop fighting streets
*twirls fork through hair*
So, is it is really murder if you stab them when they stand between you and your cake?
casual sex implies that there is ranked competitive sex
Saw a guy this morning covered from head to toe in camouflage and sporting a fluorescent safety jacket…
You can’t have it both ways mate