Ever notice that women say “scare you to death” while men say “scare the pants off you”?
Well played men, well played…
Considering “natural” childbirth?
You wouldn’t have a tooth pulled without painkillers, right? This is an 8lb tooth. From your crotch.
You Might Also Like
WE ARE AT THE PARK. BUT THE HUMAN SAYS IT’S TIME TO LEAVE. WHICH DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. BECAUSE THEY CAN’T CATCH ME
“I” before “E”, except after “C”. That’s an efficient rule. Very efficient. Yep…efficient.
The lottery gives you about a 1 in 200 million chance you won’t be going to work tomorrow. Alcohol will give you a 1 in 5. #PowerballFever
Mario: can I buy you a drink?
Peach: ew get a life
Mario: *eats mushroom* …now?
I ate so much bread yesterday, I checked Web MD to make sure that I couldn’t end up with a yeast infection.
Crazy how I started out my life wanting to be Bart Simpson and ended up Millhouse’s dad
Instead of asking “Are you still watching?” Netflix just said “Hey, pace yourself, we’re almost out of shows.”
All I want in life is to be cool enough to cut up slices of an apple and eat them directly from the knife.
Why yall taking long at Atm? yall
launching missiles or downloading
Space ships from NASA?