If she says she’s into beards, don’t compliment hers.
[Considering whether a recipe is easy enough to attempt]
Recipe: First, finely chop—
Me: I’m out.
You Might Also Like
Never underestimate a well placed “that’s what she said”. Unless your boss is standing behind you. Thanks for the heads up Michelle.
‘I don’t know, man…that deer could have rabies.’
“Is that the guy who doesn’t know how to use the word poignant?”
Yea shhh he’s coming over here
THE GUY: hey guys! long time no poignant
I 100% subscribe to this philosophy
My toddler just tried to change the channel with a chicken finger and since I had the remote in my hand I totally let him think it worked.
*rolls up sleeves*
*gets high on sleeves*
[before humans were invented]
animals: this is nice
A child’s purpose is to help their parents relearn the states and capitals.
USA: “Hey, Canada, can you hold this for a second?”
*USA hands Detroit to Canada*
*USA quickly walks away.*