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@AGStr8upNinja: Cop: Do you have any drugs in the car?
Me: Nope, payday isn't until Thursday.
@caliluvgirl77: coworker: did you hear someone used all the charity money to buy snacks from the vending machine
me: *laughing nervously* that's awful
@Toofpick78: Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right.
Here I am stuck in the middle of this Batman themed children's party.
@NicestHippo: Two ads? IN A ROW? On this website that gives me access to all the music ever made? I won't stand for it
@ambamthankyamam: Apparently my hub is a 92 yr old trapped in a younger body. He just referred to you guys as my Pinstagram friends.
@POTerritory: Him: You put feathers of a crow in this drink?
Me: Yes, I made sure they all came from 1 crow. It's...
Him: Please don't.
Me: ...single molt