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@peeznuts: Cop- Do you have any drugs in the vehicle?
-No, go fish.
@jewfacekilla: MTVs Teen Mom has been cancelled. At least one person on that network knows when to pull out.
@5hael: NICE TO MEAT YOU, I scream as I throw slices of salami at strangers
@NewDadNotes: Me: [every single day for 18 months]
da da...say da da. Can you say dada? Say da daaa...daaaa da
@psychogoddess: How is it when my son has homework,I have to be involved??
Dude,I already did my time.
@zachreinert03: Did you guys know on average 3 confused cannibals get punched in the face a year because they say yes to wanting a knuckle sandwich