god: behold, my creatio–
people: some rocks are more important than others
people: i would literally kill for the yellow rock
Cop: Do you know why I stopped you?
Me: *just ran a stop sign* Yes
Police radio: All units be advised: Dangerous suspect at large with the ability to read minds
Cop: *unsheathing his baton* Well well well
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How to build a nested list
1) Start like this
A) Then do this
Bird: I live here now
2) Make sure to get the bird out
I don’t know who you are, but I will find you and I will kill you.
My parent trap worked perfectly. I now have five parents.
Rap videos are completely unrealistic. Nobody has that many friends
Wait. Why is it called ghosting? Ghosts stick around. THAT’S THEIR WHOLE DEAL.
how to piss off everybody
If you stab yourself in the thigh with your pen you get to leave the meeting.
June 28 1954
So it turns out my weakness is kryptonite. I can’t tell anybody this.
June 30 1954
I accidentally told Lex. Should be ok
Have you tried cracking open a cold book with the boys