I’m not saying I don’t like you, but if you had an open wound I’d hand you a salt shaker.
Me: *frantically starts buttering bread*
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*Belle falls in love with Beast*
Everyone: STOCKHOLM SYNDROME!! Called it!
*Belle speaks to furniture*
Everyone: this is fine
Can’t believe New Zealand are introducing a new flag just as I finished memorising the old one.
When I was in high school we had to do an assignment where we kept a food diary and I worked at Baskin Robbins so one night for dinner all I wrote down was 14 waffle cones and 1/2 cup hot fudge and my teacher sent me to the counselor.
Told my 11 and 8 next time I take their electronics away I’d also be responding to all texts they receive.They’ve been well behaved since.
Peanuts are legumes
Cocoa is a fruit
Sugar is a beet
Conclusion: Snickers is a salad
I spent so much time bowling as a kid that the first time I fingered a girl I accidentally threw her down the hallway
my favorite game is called “Secret Family.” I go to the movies & sit near a group of strangers & pretend they love me
“no one cares abot ur plan to dig to the center of the earth! the world doesnt revolve around you!” she said.
“IT WILL IF MY PLAN WORKS THO”