Copy Editor is a rewording career.

You Might Also Like


“Awwww, that is so sweet! I think you’re outstanding too!”

me, to the collection agency


Cop: I’ll ask you one last time did you or did you not see the stop sign back there?

Ace of Base: *starts sweating*


me: “i taught this chimp to say words”
chimp: “nice haircut”
reporter: “oh my god.. does he know anything else?”
me: “sarcasm apparently”


Me: I don’t get it, I was just standing here, hard at work

HR: Yes, that was the problem.


First date:

And if you could slide over a little bit my Mom would like to sit next to you…


Gf: why have you been googling ‘can you milk a hamster’

Me: *wipes milk from mouth* it was for a tweet


I will never feel sorry for people who complain about getting screwed in their divorce.

Hell, I can’t even get screwed in my marriage.


I’m at my most nurturing when I’m plotting a way to drop my 12 yr old at school 3 days early.