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For them dirty farmers.
@SardonicTart: Memorial Day was always my grandpa's favorite holiday because he was a WW2 vet and also loved to buy mattresses.
@badbanana: That guy who ran through the White House could go to prison for ten years, so there's another reason I don't run.
@ItsAndyRyan: First date
Her: So what do you do?
Him: I'm currently trying to eliminate all cancers
Her: Wow, impressive
Him: Then I'll move on to Virgos
@Adam14: My wife doesn't have a Honey-Do list. She has a Cantaloupe list, which has all the girls I'm not allowed to run away with
@KenJennings: Guy at the park who just put out his cigar and started doing tai chi is my new fitness guru.