*1st time at gym*
*picks up weight*
how do i equip this
*steps on treadmill*
can i get exp on here
*taps huge guy*
do you sell mana potions
COUPLE: *rides off into the sunset*
NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: nope
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I had my house renamed “Moderation” and now I can pretty much do whatever I want in here.
Happy death anniversary to Library paste man, an inspiration to us all
One a scale of keystone light to jaeger how drunk are you sir?
ok I need you to step out of the car
People think I’m a hugger, but I’m actually shaking them down for snacks.
“how is school going?”
duolingo: he is a boy
me: él es un niño
duolingo: she is a girl
me: ella es una niña
duolingo: can i make it anymore obvious
Magician: I need a volunteer. [man stands] Not you. [woman stands] Not you. GARY GET UP HERE! [Gary goes up] We’ve never met before, right?
I say when we bury people we tie their shoes together. If there is a zombie apocalypse, at least it will be goddamn hilarious…
If you were forced at gunpoint to either watch ’50 Shades Of Grey’ or read the book, what type of gun would you prefer to be shot dead with?