@CopBroughtPizza

cow: where does milk come from?
me: *laughs*
cow: *laughs*
farmer: *laughs*
milk man: *laughs*
everyone: *laughs*
cow: but no, seriously.

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@Jamberee13

It’s me lowering myself down like the upside down kiss scene in Spider-Man but to eat a croissant out of a bakery display

@djdarrellripley

Going to church doesn’t necessarily make you a nice person… It does, however, make you sleepy.

@Julian_Deane

My computer keeps trying to turn me. asked if Im a robot again. No mate still not a robot.

@Boleyngirly

I don’t know why this driver threw his hands up and asked what I was doing. I thought it was pretty clear I was cutting him off.

@BlindChow

singer at concert: *says name of city we’re in*

me: that’s the name of the city we’re in!

friend: it is good to hear the name of our city!

@MetteAngerhofer

Marital Status: My husband is mad at me because I cheered for the wrong college football team.

@fro_vo

Canadian: spell colour
American: no u spell color
Canadian: u
American: no u