A cubical is a great place to reflect on all the bad decisions you’ve made in your life
Coworker: I can’t believe my wife left me. I should of treated her better.
Me *should have
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“We had unprotected sex. Give us a present.” — the subtext of every baby shower
You undercook one turkey, and suddenly Thanksgiving can’t be at your house anymore.
-me giving holiday hosting advice
In my son’s class they were talking about allergies, my son said “My mom says she’s allergic to most other moms” Super
Boss: What’s for lunch?
B: What kind of food?
M: The kind you eat.
Me: You hired me. This is your fault.
Joseph: A crib full of straw? No, I asked to see the MANAGER.
Sometimes I type a ‘C’ when I meant to type an ‘A’. And now I have to apologize to my ‘Aunt’
My 9-year-old said I looked tired today and apparently becoming my mother has skipped a generation.
my toddler is intentionally throwing food on the floor and then yelling “UH OH” which is maddening as hell and also uncomfortably reminiscent of my own process in life choices
Whatever, low battery indicator. You’re not the boss of