@TheMichaelRock

Coworker: I can’t believe my wife left me. I should of treated her better.

Me *should have

You Might Also Like

@Book_Krazy

A cubical is a great place to reflect on all the bad decisions you’ve made in your life

@goldengateblond

“We had unprotected sex. Give us a present.” — the subtext of every baby shower

@Darlainky

You undercook one turkey, and suddenly Thanksgiving can’t be at your house anymore.

-me giving holiday hosting advice

@mayamanion

In my son’s class they were talking about allergies, my son said “My mom says she’s allergic to most other moms” Super

@TomTheWicked

Boss: What’s for lunch?
Me: Food.
B: What kind of food?
M: The kind you eat.
B: …
M: …
B: …
Me: You hired me. This is your fault.

@Adyaces

Joseph: A crib full of straw? No, I asked to see the MANAGER.

@t0shiba

Sometimes I type a ‘C’ when I meant to type an ‘A’. And now I have to apologize to my ‘Aunt’

@mommajessiec

My 9-year-old said I looked tired today and apparently becoming my mother has skipped a generation.

@adult_mom

my toddler is intentionally throwing food on the floor and then yelling “UH OH” which is maddening as hell and also uncomfortably reminiscent of my own process in life choices