@Adam14: Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That'll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.
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@FatherWithTwins: 8yo: I want to paint my pumpkin this year! Me: Cool, what color? 8yo: Orange! Me: 8yo: Me: *pours drink* Let's do it
@RidiculousSheri: Yelp Review: Babies Cute at first, but then screamy like angry pterodactyls. There is literally poop everywhere. Would not recommend.
@stephenjmolloy: Me: Do you have this in my size? I'm a medium. Shop assistant: Oh, well you tell me then.