DM:You’re so hot, wanna Skype?
Me: it is quite hot, and a skype sounds delicious. Is that vodka?
Coworker: it’s dark already
Me: I know, Dan. I have eyes
CoW: it’s only 5 ‘o clock
Me: I KNOW DAN
CoW: it’s early
Me: THAT’S HOW EARTH WORKS
You Might Also Like
Dang I didn’t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
Want to feel old? Touch my grandpa, five bucks each. No weirdos
*okay, he can’t find out I’m a wolf*
IS THAT A PICTURE OF YOUR BABY SHE LOOKS DELICIOUS
*appears in puff of smoke at a public pool*
“Warning, what you’re about to see may shock you!”
Hey! What are y-
*touches live wire to water*
*Me ordering food, wearing a new white shirt*
I’ll have whatever is the most splattery and red
Alcohol is best served.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you’re not being arrested?
If life gives you raisins, there’s not much you can do.