Coworker: See you next year. Hahaha

Me: Not if you die tonight. Hahaha

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Is there such a thing as spontaneous feline combustion? Anyway, baking soda and vinegar are terrible for cats.


Hell, it’s the 70s all over again. Cheap gas, shaggy hair and no where to go


How disturbingly inappropriate would it be if “Thomas the Tank Engine” was set in early-1940s Germany? #ThomasDieKleineLokomotive


Any question can be a rhetorical question if you walk away fast enough.


Priest: You May now kiss the bride.

Goth couple: *scowls*

Priest: *Sigh* You may Now bestow one final graven kiss upon this queen of winter throned.


Why do grocery stores double-bag everything? Like why don’t you just make bags that are twice as strong?


I’m not a mechanic so I don’t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.