*doctor administers experimental anti bad joke serum*
how do you feel?
“with my hands”
let’s give it a minute
Me: collaborate and listen
Me: you forget about me
Me: teacher, leave them kids alone
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wife: *fidgeting with wedding ring*
me: *emptying my cargo shorts pockets*
tsa agent: why so many gameboys
I dressed up my fly swatter in a baby doll outfit so everytime I swat one I can say “uh-oh, baby did a bad thing”
*wears reindeer antlers*
*steals your wallet*
Pretty sure HR is going to be paying me a visit, thanks to the CW that emailed to thank me for “all the services I provided them”.
My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner the same way I react when my wife says “We need to talk”.
I shower with a suicide note in case I slip and die, at least I can make it look intentional instead of stupid.
One a scale of keystone light to jaeger how drunk are you sir?
ok I need you to step out of the car