*middle of a 6 hour road trip,
One 8 year old twin says to the other: “Id roast you, but Mom said I’m not allowed to burn trash.”
Coworker: You look tired.
Me: Apparently I also look approachable but I’m really not.
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Listen, all I’m saying is that fish either don’t bathe at all or they constantly bathe. It can’t be both.
PRIEST: Those are your vows?
GF: [to rich guy] So what do you do?
RICH GUY: I race horses for a living
ME: Do you ever beat them?
Rey: I want to be your Jedi student.
Me: Did you hear what happened to all my other Jedi students?
Me: Good. Let’s get started.
Veterinarian: Curiosity killed the cat.
Dog: Sure, go with that.
There should be more Christmas tunes about vengeance.
I don’t trust rabbits…
Anything that’s happy with just lettuce is suspicious
I bet Yoda was pretty hot before he turned into an old Asian lady.
my thoughts based on your zodiac symbol