DOG DRIVING INSTRUCTOR: Please assume the correct position for operating a vehicle.
DOG STUDENT: *sticks head out window*
Wife to instructor: What if my knees start to hurt?
Me to instructor: See what I’m up against?
You Might Also Like
As we debated who would win between Vader and Gandalf, we suddenly realized our dates had left
Him: Is that a horse drawn carriage?
Her: I can’t quite tell
Horse: *sobbing* Well you try holding a pencil with your hooves
My 3-year-old wanted to wash dishes but the dishes weren’t dirty enough for her so she lost her shit. Sometimes 3-year-old’s really *takes deep breath* test your patience.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who found out you used her face towel as a hand towel
Not now pee, I’m sleeping.
A drop of roof water hit my face and I reacted like it was liquid herpes.
Middle of the night In bed:
Wife – Did you hear that?
Wife – I said did you hear that?
Me (under the bed) – Yes
her: i’m leaving you
me: is it because i always butt into other people’s conversations
him: who ar- wait what