@Shot_Of_Cabo

(CPR class)

Wife to instructor: What if my knees start to hurt?

Me to instructor: See what I’m up against?

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@blade_funner

DOG DRIVING INSTRUCTOR: Please assume the correct position for operating a vehicle.
DOG STUDENT: *sticks head out window*
DDI: Excellent.

@anerdonfire2

As we debated who would win between Vader and Gandalf, we suddenly realized our dates had left

@ShortSleeveSuit

Him: Is that a horse drawn carriage?

Her: I can’t quite tell

Horse: *sobbing* Well you try holding a pencil with your hooves

@BunAndLeggings

My 3-year-old wanted to wash dishes but the dishes weren’t dirty enough for her so she lost her shit. Sometimes 3-year-old’s really *takes deep breath* test your patience.

@blaha_Who

Hell hath no fury like a woman who found out you used her face towel as a hand towel

@Molly_Kats

A drop of roof water hit my face and I reacted like it was liquid herpes.

@Social_Mime

Middle of the night In bed:
*Loud noise*
Wife – Did you hear that?
Me –
Wife – I said did you hear that?
Me (under the bed) – Yes

@FredTaming

her: i’m leaving you
 
me: is it because i always butt into other people’s conversations
 
him: who ar- wait what