Just wait until I get out there!!
~parenting from the bathroom
CRAIGSLIST AD: Wanted – chicken nugget shaped like Rafael. Have 2 Leonardo’s, willing to trade. Serious offers only. No Michaelangelo’s.
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Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have herpes. Laugh all you want. You’ll still have herpes.
Upon graduation from the University of Phoenix, do they just send you a screencap of your degree?
Two things I learned this weekend are:
1. I’m not too old to get in a hammock.
2. I’m too old to get out of a hammock.
100 million years ago there were no creationists.
Looking for someone to do the heavy lifting when I need a body buried…
~ No weirdos
once someone was like “millennials don’t answer a door if they aren’t expecting anyone???” and i get why the 70s had so many serial killers
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
If you love someone, give them a possum in a box. Then you’ll know how they react in a panic and you might change your mind.
Someone on my FB posted a snap that said “I’m boared”
And I’m just like…….