*You at a concert* Dancing, singing, feeling the beat, letting loose.
*Me at a concert* Waiting for the bass player to make eye contact and then giving a thumbs up so they know they’re doing a good job and someone cares.
Crap, I hate good-bye kisses. I think that I may have used too much tongue with my mother-in-law.
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i have no electricity today bc of the snowstorm so i was forced to talk to my husband and son they seem nice.
[responding to trash talk during pick up basketball game] my wife has a bad back so I doubt that happened
Gay guys don’t listen to girls talk either, but we do have the good sense to say “I know, right?!” while we wait for our turn to talk.
Him: If you could have dinner with any people, living or dead, who would you choose?
Me: All the dead ones
Me: I’ll have an egg white omelette
Waiter: I’m sorry, sir. It’s after Labor Day.
Don’t buy drinks from children on the side of the road. The money never really goes to aid for lemons.
Wife: pick a Christmas movie to watch.
Me: Lord of the Rings.
Wife: that’s not a Christmas movie.
Me: then why does it have elves?
Me: plus Gandalf looks like Low Carb Santa.
I don’t believe in mythical creatures like dragons, unicorns, Lock Ness Monster, drama free women.
Just joking, I believe in Nessie.
I didn’t like you in high school, I don’t like you now. #WhyIDontUseFacebook