@BoogTweets

(Creating the platypus)

God: Make that beaver think a duck is sexy and then they, *hip thrusts*

Angel: What?

God: You know *hip thrusts*

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@Pork_Chop_Hair

Let’s take a moment to be thankful that ponytails don’t wag like dog tails when we’re excited.

@brianbowman73

Tried arguing on the internet today.

Wouldn’t recommend it.

0 out of 5 stars.

@tmulannn

Life of a Uni student
1. You wake up?You ask yourself why you woke up
2. You go to lecture you start writing then the lecturer changes the slide then you stop writing and you start online shopping or playing games
3. You go home and wonder why you even went it.

@818Newbie

The Bermuda Triangle has been relocated to the space between your car seat and the center console.

@FeralFerrell

Who the hell is gonna pay to read tweets when we can see them on an Instagram meme account in 2 hours, or on Facebook in 2 years?

@byrdie_num_num

Instead of “Juicy” I have “May contain gas” written on the back of my shorts.

@DanMentos

*walks up to girl working on her laptop in a cafe*
So you into computers?