ROOKIE COP: but why would a chicken kill himself?
DETECTIVE: *lowers shades* to get to the other side
*rookie cop vomits*
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Biden: Maybe we make our own country and he won’t be invited
Biden: And MAYBE THIS TIME WE CALL IT THE BLACK HOUSE RIGHT BARACK
ME: dude, NASA faked the moon landing
FRIEND: wait, u mean-
ME: yep, the moon never landed at all, it’s still out there somewhere
“building-building building building building-building building”
(translatiom: structur-making tower makimg another structure-making tower)
My daughter said her English class requires 1,000 pages of summer reading so we went to The Cheesecake Factory and I handed her a menu
Maybe that neighbor without a Wi-Fi password isn’t an idiot. Maybe he’s generous. And an idiot.
You should not throw stones at glass houses but they never said anything about the home owners.
Son: Dad, how do you satisfy a lady?
Dad: First you rub her all over
Son: Makes sense
Dad: Then you wait 24 hours
Dad: I make my own sauce
Son: this is just your bbq technique
Dad: Slow and low, that’s the secret
Girl, did you take a massage therapy course at a community college with questionable credentials? Because you’re rubbing me the wrong way.
In case you were wondering, Taco Bell offers free wi-fi.
Don’t bother asking for the password, because it’s totally “Cornhole Explosion”.