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@markedly: Critic: I don’t like your work
Me: buddy, *I* don’t like my work
@Overdue_Bills: Please boss, tell us again how important it is the company gets to $3 billion in revenue. I bought an 18 pack of beer with dimes last night.
@KylePlantEmoji: I always get self conscious buying toilet paper like some high schooler is gonna take a picture of me and post it online with the caption "lmao this dude poops"
@GingerHotDish: I sent my boyfriend a picture of my taco. Yeah, he was disappointed that wasn't a euphemism as well.
@ArfMeasures: DATE: In my room when I was younger [smiles] I used to sing with a hairbrush
ME [spits out drink] I never even knew hairbrushes could sing
@_SingleBabyMama: I used to wait for hrs with my finger on the record button of a boom box after requesting a song on the radio. I'm familiar with commitment.