@AlbertCudlban

“Cu Later!” – a guy who wants some Copper, but not right now.

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@_Water_Baby

They say that unless you remember history you are destined to repeat it.
-I say to myself every time I think about cutting bangs.

@GeauxSaints79

I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with “What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?”

@Book_Krazy

Don’t let him know you’re a hologram. Don’t let him know you’re a hologram.

Interviewer: You’ve got the job!
*extends hand*

Me: Dammit

@TheresNoGodzila

When I see a kid on a leash I assume they were a dog turned into a kid by a witch & the owners have yet to figure out how to turn them back.

@AndrewNadeau0

The size of the gates in Jurassic Park suggests they were always planning on letting the dinosaurs out.

@huntigula

*finds all 7 dragonballs

*dragon appears* “WHAT IS YOUR WIS…OH GODDAMMIT CHAD, FOR THE LAST TIME I CANNOT MAKE PEOPLE RESPECT NICKELBACK”

@thenatewolf

Telescopes probably use mirrors which means there is absolutely no way to know how many vampires there are in space.

@sploosk

Welcome to Insults ? Us, you sack of crap. Buy some stuff if you’re not too cheap. Maybe eat out of a garbage can. You’d probably like that

@Cpin42

[with my final breath] Tell my wife that I loved..the economy