@9GAG

Curiosity is on #Mars. Sure went a long way after killing the cat.

You Might Also Like

@huntigula

If you watch “The Empire Strikes Back” backwards it’s about a kid so traumatized to learn his dad’s identity he starts hitting on his sister

@ch000ch

need to find a better way to trick my dog into taking his medication bc the last 2 times he tricked me into taking it

@shannabanana67

Me: Once the raptor comes we will all be in a better place.
Friend: You mean Rapture.
Me: Ha! No.
*velociraptor sounds outside*

@GrantTanaka

[american civil war]
soldier: god this is terrible I hope no one reenacts this

@8bitf0x

whats the definition of a will? (lol come on guys its a dead giveaway)

@david8hughes

[waiter pours me another drink]
Me: I’ve never known anyone to be so late on a first date
Waiter: yes, 4 days is a bit much

@SashaBrenner

“Get your fax straight!” – a tweet that would have been so funny in 1987

@RL_blahneh

*takes 5 more shots*
liver: wyd
brain: wyd
stomach: wyd
me to an ex: wyd