Wore my clip-on, flip-up sunglasses in my dating profile pic, because women don’t easily forget something like that.
Curiosity killed the cat, but an ancient tribal burial site brought him back. Whoopsies.
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Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you just plow thru Uranus because it’s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
On one hand, eating meat is bad for your body, bad for animals and bad for the earth. On the other hand, bacon.
[slides $5 to paramedic]
Me: maybe it takes us too long to get to the hospital & maybe I don’t make it
Those plastic bags in the produce department that are so hard to get open are designed to keep your ego in check. Its intentional.
Horse buying tip: ALWAYS ask how much horsepower a horse has. If a horse has less than one horsepower, you’ve got yourself a crap horse.
One of the worst things about being deaf has to be the inability to tell whether people are yawning or screaming…
I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets.
Hold it, you’re talking about BABIES?
There is no “I” in TEAM. But there is MEAT.
Cargo pants imply the existence of passenger pants.