@SteveKoehler22

Curling is an Olympic sport.
What about Straightening ?

There are women who can do
amazing things with a flat iron.

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@TheCatWhisprer

I’m only human — unless I have to figure out a captcha, then I am unable to prove that I am a human.

@batkaren

Ghostbusters (1984): A large, jovial marshmallow sailor is burned alive amid the crossfire btwn humans and ethereal beings.

@dlicj

t-shirt is short for “television shirt”

@McNevich

1-buy waterbed

2-fill with wine

3-get Capri Sun straw

4-never leave your bed again

@LoriLuvsShoes

My 21yr old son: “Mom sometimes I think you only had me for the free, lifetime tech support”

*slow wink*

@HousewifeOfHell

How are we supposed to fear a storm named Grayson? I’m fighting an urge to iron its prep school uniform or ask it for investment advice.

@ShortSleeveSuit

[Hillbilly court]

Judge: Yer charged with theft. What were ya thinkin’?

Gary Ray: My wife wanted a mink stole so that’s what i done did

@KentWGraham

I’ve received so many Viagra emails my laptop opened on its own.

@SteveKoehler22

IKEA furniture will now snap together
will no tools or hardware.

The company boasts that it will save
thousands of h?o?u?r?s? marriages