Currently accomplishing an astonishing amount of nothing, at a blistering rate.

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We’ll just have to agree to disagree is my favorite way of saying “you’re an idiot but I’m tired”


Here, hold my drink. Ruining this is going to take both hands.


*seduces you by wearing a sundress

*ruins it by running in flip flops


Guys I went to the department store today to by a toaster over and they made me wear pants and I wouldn’t because this isn’t the America I signed up for and I know the constitution so I left with no pants and no toaster oven thanks a lot.


Very normal stages of anger:
1) kinda upset
2) crying
3) imagining yourself singing a revengeful song to them at a talent show


If I was a fashion designer Id call myself “who” so when celebs are asked who are they wearing they can say “Who?” “Yes who?” “Yes.”