Taught daughter to make toast & she already knows how to do boxed Mac n cheese so now she’s all caught up to my level of culinary prowess.
Customer Service: “Would you take a minute to fill out this survey?”
Me: “Wouldn’t you rather save that for someone you actually helped?”
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Technically, it’s not road rage once you pull into their living room.
thankfully, most bananas are boneless
You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.
If couples who are in love are called love birds, then really, couples who always fight should be called angry birds!
Remember, if you get dumped, it’s only because they’re looking for someone sexier and more attractive. It has NOTHING to do with you.
When someone tells me, “I think of you as family,” I assume I’m about to be yelled at for something that happened 10 years ago.
The symmetry is uncanny.