This all goes a lot faster in the movies.
CW: Have you had 5 guys?
Me: *blank stare* That’s kinda personal don’t ya think?
And that’s when I found out it’s the name of a burger joint
You Might Also Like
Announced sternly to students today that “only hard things are worth doing!” In other news, I have a bunch of parent emails to respond to.
[Trying to impress a girl on a date]
Me: “Not to brag but I’m getting Windows 10 for free.”
I love arguing with you so much, I’ll bring a Ouija board to your funeral.
Marriage Counsellor: last week I asked you to come up with 3 things you love about each other.
Me: I need an extension.
If a vampire is also a doctor, an apple is as effective as garlic
Just met up with my heroine dealer. Got three Wonder Womans and a She-Ra.
*waiter lays down my plate*
“Can I get u anything else?”
U CAN GET ME HAPPY FACE PANCAKES LIKE I ORDERED, U FUC-
*he rotates my plate*
Me: Nice flowers. Co-worker: They’re from my boyfriend. Now I’m going to spend all weekend w/my legs in the air. Me: Don’t you have a vase?
Him: I won’t bore you with the details.
Me: Too late for that.