“That’s one small step for man. That’s one open fridge for man. That’s one good sandwich for-”
“I WALKED ON THE MOON, JANET”
dad: *hands me a taser* only use this on someone who you’re sure is going to hurt you
me: *immediately tases myself*
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Me: *driving kids to school unshowered*
Anxiety: What if you crash and the first responders realize you haven’t showered?
Said she was gonna send a pic of her “backyard’ . Turns out we weren’t on the same page
*is somehow finally able to leave Hotel California*
FRONT DESK: ok that will be $382,197,067.92
*writes in climate’s year book “Best of luck. Don’t ever change!”*
The 70s had it right.
Back then, ugly people were allowed to make music.
I love how you changed “Conclusions” to “Learnings” in my PowerPoint. Any other made-up words I should add?
date: i like the strong silent type
me: [quietly trying to lift the table over my head]
My neighbor just walked by carrying some pots for planting & I said “Looks like you won the pottery lottery!” Now everyone is mad at me.
[after 16 years of waiting, my kid finally corrects me using a dictionary]
Me: Well if you love dictionaries so much, you should just Merriam, Webster haha
Webster: Is that why-
Me: Yeah, that’s why I named you that