Them: Listen to your body more.
Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.
Dad: I’m sorry sweetie, times are hard so we had to send your pony sprinkles to the glue factory
Sprinkles: *at the conveyor putting lids on glue bottles* this is some bullshit
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Daughter: Daddy, I want to reach out and touch a star
Me: Yeah, well, that would incinerate the both of us instantly so I don’t think so
Holding back your crazy is like sucking in your fat. Eventually it’s gonna come out.
ME (undercover, approaching craps table): One crap please, my good man.
Me: omg can you PLEASE chew with your mouth closed
Lion eating me: sorry
zookeeper: [putting up sign] do not feed the animals
giraffe: [also putting a sign up somehow] the zoo does not speak on our behalf
I want to follow a random family around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all of their photos.
Top five movies that could
easily have been about @ ‘ers :
-One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
*genie comes out*
You get 3 wishes. Just no wishing for more wishes.
“I wish for more genies.”
I SAID NO WI- oooh, you’re good.
*shoots self in foot*
“Damn i like the metaphor better”