Someone asked me what the sound of one hand clapping was so I slapped his face.
Dad owl: I’m dying so I need you to look after things. I’m going to give you-
Son owl: Don’t say it
Dad: Power of a tawny
Son: [turns head]
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I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she’ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
Your word is “redacted”
can you use it in a sentence?
The ?? ???? is ????? ???? and ?? ????.
My girlfriend and I are sharing an #Amazon account.
*emerges from a large magic lamp,* it’s me the Reasonable genie, please only wish for things like ‘drive me to the airport’
CASHIER: “Did you find everything you were looking for?”
ME: “Oh, yes…” [places “How To Murder A Cashier” book on counter]
Saw (2004, Horror): An old man gives 2 people instructions on how to walk out of a bathroom. 102 minutes.
Receptionist: So you’re here about your carpal tunnel huh..fill out these 20 forms and press hard so the copies are clear
Top Gun (PG) – 1986
A military jet suffers thru two arrogant pilots’ bro-speak until finally fighting back, killing one of them – 110 mins
“Draw your weapon”
Me: *frantically trying to sketch a bear with gun legs & a shark head.