I hit my daily fruit intake yesterday by eating all the fruit garnishments in and on my drinks
“Dad, you called me my brother’s name.”
I’m sorry *30 second pause* little dude.
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Me: My brother was in an accident & lost his hand.
Her: OMG, is he OK?
Me: Yes, it was his left hand so
Her: Don’t do it
Me: he’s all right
baby wake up, it’s someday
lower my casket into the ground and play “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” If you see someone not singing the Wimba Way part, kick them out.
I was voted, “most likely to interfere with a corpse,” in high school.
Told my 4 yo that his hamster died and that was in heaven with God. 4yo: Why would God want a dead hamster?
Bank teller: interesting choice in masks
Me: The box said it moisturizes and cleans the pores
All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority of them are just freelancing.