Hush little baby,
Don’t say a word.
Daddy’s gonna buy you a bunch of crap so he doesn’t have to hear your incessant whining ya spoiled brat.
DAD: You’re adapted.
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the four elements are:
Hot Dads in ur Area Are Disappointed in ur Browser History Especially the One ur Watching Right Now With Midgets Dressed Like Dinosaurs
I can’t figure out why my son hates me.
Tim hates you?
No, my other son. I can’t remember his name. I just call him “not Tim”
[end of a date]
her: we should have dinner again
me: thanks but I’m full
My Mom has been smelling something burning since 1983.
Wife: every time we argue, you think you’re right. Me: yes, because if I thought you were right, I wouldn’t be arguing…
If I had a parrot I’d teach it to say “I know where they buried the bodies”
Think I’ll pass.
I hope my kids are impressed with how resourceful the Easter Bunny is for filling eggs with steeply discounted Valentine’s Day candy.