*catches son swearing through sign language*
“We don’t use that language in this house”
*hands him hand sanitizer*
“You know what to do”
Daddy can u get me a drink?
“No, you’re 5yo you can get your own drink”
Fine *goes to fridge
“While you’re there can you grab me a beer?”
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An English version of Cookie Monster called Biscuit Gentlemen who always wants biscuits but also uses the word please, because we’re not savages.
i wish they named cookies something different because every time a website asks me to accept cookies, and i decline, a little part of my heart is like, but i love cookies, just not your kind
I always see homeless people walking around with cups of change. I bet they could afford a house if they werent drinking money all the time.
My man always plays better on the backside than the front…
Golf, you pervs
*goes to the park*
*spoon feeds red bull to the ducks*
“ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME OR NOT?”
“What are my choices again?”
My wife once told me ” Mike you’re the only man who ever gave me multiple orgasms”, which pissed me off because my names not Mike
Anything u say can & will be used against u, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And, we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Ten out of one women is a Russian Nesting Doll