“YEP, that’s a poop alright!”, and other phrases you’d prefer not to hear coming from the 3 year old’s room.
“Daddy I lost my popsicle” and other terrifying things my kids say.
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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but alcohol makes ugly people pretty.
“I’m too important too attend the training on the new system. When I need to get in it you can walk me through it each time”
“Robby! Hey man I haven’t seen you since we were kids!”
Rob: Hey! I go by Robert now. It’s good to see you, Barry!
“I go by Barold now”
In my defense, your baby was crying before I dropped it.
This is the only criticism of millenials I will accept
D.A.: Who’s a good boy?
Dog: *wags tail*
D.A.: Then how do you explain the scattered trash?
Dog: *ears droop*
Very sad to hear about Piers Morgan. Nothing’s happened to him, I’m just very sad to hear about him.
Just because you didn’t say “thank you” doesn’t mean I’m won’t say “you’re welcome.” No need for us both to behave the way you were raised.
[at son’s Little League game]
ME: which one’s yours
OTHER MOM: the pitcher. You?
ME: the one performing Lord of the Dance in left field