I have a draft that just says “rhino!” & I cannot even wrap my brain around why I thought that would make sense.
“Daddy, where do babies come from?”
“How do they get inside?”
CAN’T U ASK WHY THE SKY IS BLUE HAVEN’T U WONDERED ABOUT THAT
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Me: My son totaled another car.
Progressive: I see that you insure 3 teen sons?
P: *covers phone* HEY GUYS, WE’RE GOING TO ARUBA!
How to get mustard out of your white shirt..
1) go to a store
2) buy a new shirt
Aren’t we all.
fog is just god’s snapchat filter
If anyone breaks in, I take comfort in knowing they’ll never get past the 20 pairs of shoes in the hallway.
I’m beginning to think some of you are not your Avi’s, which makes me sad. I thought I had a unicorn and dinosaur friend.
I hope a fish kills me and takes a pic holding me so it can meet a cute girl fish on tinder
Go to a fancy restaurant. Order the lobster. Order it alive. When it comes, order food for your new pet lobster. Then take lobster home.