me: pavlov’s dogs were so dumb lol. drooling cuz you hear a bell? what’re you, hungry for bells?
uber eats: zero delivery fee on taco bell orders over $30 for the next 3 minutes
me: i could really go for precisely 17 crunchwrap supremes immediately
Daisy: how are you
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Can’t wait for the release of Jurassic Park 4D where they just let dinosaurs loose in the theater and you have to try to survive for 2 hours
Me: What’s wrong?
Me: Grabs shield and sword
Hey baby, I’m like Fred Flintstone I can really make your bed-rock. Also I live in a cave and don’t have any electricity
[Surrounded by a million deer]
Genie: You said you wanted a million bucks.
Husband: *singing pop song*
Tween: Mom, do something.
Me: *starts dancing*
me: annie are you ok
so annie are you ok
are you ok annie
girl [wearing name tag that says annie]: sir will it be paper or plastic
“I traded my carpet in for bare floors” –coworker. “Oh, me too. I love the shaved look.”, said me. Apparently, she really meant carpet.
I’m not saying I’m not physically fit, I’m just saying I went to yoga once and they had to call the paramedics.
When you use a camera to digitise a coursework for submission, please make sure you crop out any bits you don’t usually show off in public. Alternatively, please wear pants when taking the photos.
A disturbed lecturer