My 9 year old asked for a fog machine so no one can see her messy floor and now I’m pretty sure I’m raising a damned genius.
Dammit, phone. It’s always been ‘this’ and never ‘thus.’ I’ve got clumsy sausage fingers, not a conclusion to my dissertation.
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Barnabas had a lazy eye.
The other, however, was a real go-getter.
HIM: So, you like Star Wars.
ME: *sipping soup thru a bendy straw so I don’t have to take off my C-3PO mask* *shakes head yes*
Twitter is proof that 1000 monkeys on 1000 typewriters will not eventually write anything close to Shakespeare.
If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they’re 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year
This day in history. 1888. Police received the “From Hell” letter from Jack the Ripper threatening further monstrous attacks on the English language.
After Captain America was thawed from the ice, his first encounter with a Japanese-American must’ve been really awkward.
You threw. Our tea. In the harbour. And then you changed the spelling of harbour. We do not. Forget.
My 4yo daughter happily announced that it was “murder season” today, and it took a solid 10 minutes to realize she meant crape myrtle, not murder.
You ever drive around with an old person who knows where everything didn’t used to be?