Me: I always quote Eminem lyrics.
M: I can’t tell you what it really is,I can only tell u what it feels like
Damn boy! Are you a slinky?
Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
You Might Also Like
“I was so high one time, I stopped at a stop sign for 20 minutes waiting for it to turn green.”
MAYBE PEACH JUST LIKES BOWSER A LOT AND WE’RE FOLLOWING A NARRATIVE OF MARIO THE DELUSIONAL HOMEWRECKER.
*cops pull me from operating room*
My patronus is a cheeseburger
[my daughter asks for her 2nd apple of the day] oh look it’s the apple monster *fun growl sounds*
DAUGHTER: daddy does God ever go hunting
You think you’re hardcore? Watch THIS!
*Drinks vodka straight from the potato*
cant believe language was invented. like everyone was chill and quiet and then one day someone just started saying some shit
“This is the fourth lot of bacon to go missing this week. It can only mean one thing.”
“What’s that Sarge?”
“Someone’s building a pig.”
Girl: (omg he’s so perfect)
Guy: I have In Pasture Syndrome
Girl: You mean Imposter Syn-
Couple down the street from us celebrated 53 years of marriage the other day.
I asked the wife “how did you do it?”
She said “my knees tired”.
They go to church every Sunday so I THINK she meant pray.
But Jesus Christ i just ain’t all the way sure.