Damn girl, are you an octagon?

Cause there’s like 8 different sides to you.

You Might Also Like


[Parker Brothers Meeting: 1903]

Boss: We need a tedious game that will last for hours & tear families apart.

And Monopoly was born.


Does anyone know the difference between an elk and a deer?nnCos I think I just ran over a cyclist.


Doctor: You need a new liver and we found a match.

Me: When can you operate?

*lighting a candle*

Doctor: When we find you a new liver.


ME: did u know that there’s no scientific evidence that flossing helps?

DENTIST: this is my daughter’s dance recital. Please leave us alone


*puts leash around pet lobster*
I think there will be games and lots of friends to play with Pinchy
*walks into Lobsterfest*


We chose to adopt a highway.
[clutches my wife’s hand]
We couldn’t make a highway of our own, you see.


Judge: *whispering* pls stop introducing yourself like this just because u work in my chambers it doesn’t m-


I freely admit to snorting with laughter #piggate #pigfilms


I long for the days when waking up with a “stiff one” wasn’t referring to my lower back.


[me, trying to join a conversation about Game of Thrones] oh man, there are just so many thrones, I don’t have a favorite really